I clearly remember the feeling of not knowing how to be a mother. I'd been holding my daughter in my arms for 10 months at this point but in a day - hours really, I became a single mom. It was prepping chili for his work the day prior, cleaning that morning for in-laws, and then the world stopping and the marriage within minutes, flames and ash.
And it wasn't until then, that doubt invaded my mothering. I didn't experience this in the hospital after having her, or evening in the days, weeks, months following her birth. Despite not having any absolute clue what we were doing, my mothering never came into question. It was just there and I didn't realize how strongly until it was instantly weakened in this moment where the marriage fragmented.
Not sure the exact timeframe, but I'd say within the next month. I remember a call with my best friend at the time. She held my heart and hand so softly in this season. We were states away from each other so it was her powerful words that helped encourage and carry. On this call, her husband, also a friend - asked for the phone and he shared with me a verse he believed God wanted me to hear.
This is how I know God did want me to hear it. That moment has never left me and the verse spoken has spoken life to me countless times since that day. It has been a verse of strength that in summary reminds me that Jesus, when leaving earth, left behind peace. Not a normal, earthly peace - a different type of peace that the world can't give nor can the happenings here take away.
Closing with a song and the verse encapsulated within the chapter where it resides. Praying if you are in a season that is darker and unclear - you too can grab hold of the power and let it rest in your heart and give you strength. The climb forward may be slower than you'd hope and harder even, but there is a line in the song that says, "You're teaching me to rest in your peace." And that, that's a thing. A very powerful thing.
“These things I have spoken to you while being present with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. You have heard Me say to you, ‘I am going away and coming back to you.’ If you loved Me, you would rejoice because I said, ‘I am going to the Father,’ for My Father is greater than I."
“And now I have told you before it comes, that when it does come to pass, you may believe. I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming, and he has nothing in Me. But that the world may know that I love the Father, and as the Father gave Me commandment, so I do. Arise, let us go from here." John 14: 25-29