S'More

on


It was Easter 2021, April 4th to be exact,  and instead of church, my daughter and I went to the park.   We were the only ones there that morning and after playing made our way to a bench over by a lake.   We weren't completely alone, as shortly, a calico cat, thin as could be made her way, out of large evergreen tree behind us, to our feet.  Halle named her S'More before we even had food purchased and she also named her 5 kittens born on June 2 . 

S'More stayed in the sunroom.  Every once in a while, we'd let her inside and she'd roam the place for about 10 min and then back into the sunroom.  The day her babies came, she'd been roaming and we weren't finding her to put her back outside.    Halle noticed some drops of blood at the top of the stairs and and we found her back in the playroom closet.  Halle and some of her friends had ironically turned it into a vet clinic at one of her last playdates!

I reached down and felt S'More's abdomen contracting... quickly realizing and freaking out a bit that babies were en route.  S'More just continued to let me gently hold her and with each contraction she would whine.... then - like a woman after my own heart... she let out a yelp of pain and I literally said out loud to her, "I know, momma, - it hurts!"  But then baby one came and it was the sweetest thing... S'More didn't yelp one more time after that she just birthed 4 more like a little rock star.  And I mean watching her momma these kittens over the next 2 months was just something to see - so protective, so nurturing, so selfless.  

****

I have experienced emotional growth to feel so much like this... I mean no one is communicating to a cat it's entire pregnancy - explaining what the hell is going on.  Maybe it was created to already know? But if not and likewise - as I look back over seasons where I'm 100% sure emotional growth was occurring at unstoppable intervals, it feels like complete darkness... it's felt lonely and very much like, "What is the point of this?"  And then, after enough time and repeat of patterns, often - a moment comes, rarely void of pain yet a birthing of sorts very clearly occurs and something literal and tangible becomes available to have and hold.   

It is this newness that erases the doubt and tears of any darkness because, here in the light, purpose is more palpable than it was in the dark even if rarely fully understood. Furthermore, it isn't until the light surfaces that so too a strong answer as to where God's been in it all.  For whatever reason, and there must be a good one, he only grows faith in the dark.  And then when it is made sight - his faithfulness is the first thing to brighten the sky.  It is then that you can know, even be so bold to say see, that it was his hands holding you all the while.

*****


waters well over
 depths that I know
best just to wait
best just to trust

for deliverance
comes swiftest
where waters
are stillest

💓