counselor

my first one taught me
i know God and care too much 
about other's opinions

the second
that pain remaining in a heart
doesn't mean healing isn't present

the third
that God runs
towards me 

the fourth
prayed an Esther Spirit to rise in me that 
at the time of the prayer, grated my insides
and later became a bridge to hope

the fifth
that i have more in common
with my perceived enemies
than i ever saw before

none of these teachings
were my hoped and expected outcomes of seeing a counselor
i entered counseling under a "freshman"
mentality that after enough time and learning
i'd graduate and move on

not once was it like this
not once was it linear
not once did i stop w/ a counselor
b/c i was sure it was graduation and 
my desired outcome was met

in fact, more counseling equated, for me,
to more seeing of broken flesh inside of me
and how my desired outcomes
aren't often His

the disciples and followers of Jesus 
always thought his power was going to produce 
a better life for them in the now
and while it often did in many ways
with healings and miracles
it didn't end with the 
big bang they were anticipating

rather, it wasn't until
as they looked back
after the death of Him
did they really see
it was the Son of God
there with them all along
did they really see
their hand involved in
his killing

Hebrews 11:39-40  And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us.

so much effort
in the pay off coming right now
so much hope in the promises materializing
in our perceived seasons
or at least these have been my experiences
and my valleys of dismay
very little - let it be - peace in the promises
coming in a way unseen yet still sure
because He is faithful

very little effort paid to the
Council that is sure to come
which, in the here and now,
is also the focus that anchors waves
and quite possibly the reason each season
cannot be so personally satisfied

a coming Kingdom
where we have new names
and purpose that will outshine any
accomplished earthly goal

where we move from having faith
to seeing our faith
and that will be wildly 
intertwined with the faith 
of the entire Council

this an outcome far grander
far more rewarding
than any one promise
granted individually

it is only His seeing
of every detail in the here and now
that makes Him faithful to separate
sheep and goat, Sweet Jesus
that coming fold

Matthew 25:31-34 “When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.'

The LORD is my Shepherd.
I lack nothing.
Psalm 23:1